Deal with It

When working with athletes, I often try to impress upon them that dealing with adversity is a part of the game. In fact, we define mental toughness as our ability to deal with adversity. However, for whatever reason, we expect conditions to be perfect for us to perform. Sadly, this is often the case in both sports and in life.

I was working with a basketball team the other day, and we discussed this. I told them that we may not like adversity, but their success as basketball players will largely depend on their ability to deal with it. During the regular course of a basketball season, they will be dealing with all kinds of adversity, including but not limited to: injuries, lack of playing time, playing in a different position, foul trouble, a bad referee, a conflict with a teammate, an upset stomach, stress with schoolwork, pre-game jitters, family turmoil, etc., etc. You get the picture. The possibilities to encounter adversity during a season are endless.

By telling them to expect adversity, I am not being negative. I am being realistic. In doing so, I am encouraging them to realize that playing conditions will never be perfect. We often have the misconception that we should always be comfortable when playing, and if we face adversity it "just isn't our day." This couldn't be further from the truth.

I am not suggesting that we ever have to like adversity. Rather, I am advocating that when we face it, we eventually deal with it, because at some point, we are going to have to work on it or through it. We need to allow ourselves to feel what we feel and then deal with the issue at hand. There is a three-step process for doing this, "The Three A's":

1.     Awareness- We are aware of the adversity that is happening.

2.     Acceptance- We have accepted the current situation for what it is.

3.     Action- We take action towards dealing with the adversity.

It should be noted that this three-step approach meant for dealing with adversity is not some quick-fix panacea to solve all of our problems. It's meant to be a resource in how to get started on fixing an issue or a situation. Neither is this meant to be a solution for major life-changing forms of adversity. Rather, it is meant to be a tool for common forms of adversity that we deal with on a semi-regular basis.

Often, we realize in step three, the "action" phase, that action may sometimes be considering the situation fully and deciding that it calls for inaction or delaying action. This in and of itself is “action.” 

Whether we like it or not, we are going to encounter adversity in all aspects of our lives. Trying to avoid dealing with it is just going to make the problem worse in most cases.  Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable doesn’t mean we have to love it. It just means that we are willing to face hard things on the path to success. 

Greg Graber, the author of "Slow Your Roll — Mindfulness for Fast Times," is a mental performance and leadership coach. More information about him is on his website: www.greggraber.com.