A Life of Worry

If ever I write my autobiography, I think I have a good name for it.  I would consider calling it “A Life of Worry.”  It is in my nature to worry a lot.  While all of us worry, some of us are wired to worry more than others. Other factors, like the ways in which we were raised, impact our frequency to worry as well. I learned to worry honestly, as both of my parents were world-class worriers.

I am under the strong conviction that we often worry about things we can’t control because we aren’t comfortable with change and uncertainty.  However, if you think about it, two of the only constants in our lives are change and uncertainty.  We can count on them.  They aren’t ever going away. Worrying out things we can’t control only intensifies our suffering.

As a look back on my life of worry,  I now realize that most of the things I catastrophized in my mind through worry never actually came to fruition.  I look back on this, and I lament all of the time I wasted trying to replay the past and obsessing about the future in my mind. Over the years, through my mindfulness practice, I now realize that the present moment is the only reality we have, as the past is dead and the future is typically just fantasy.  It is helpful to remind myself of this often when I start mentally “time travelling” to the past or the future.

My mindfulness practice over the years has helped me to not worry as much.  I often tell my clients that we can never totally do away with our worries, but with practice, we can learn how to respond in ways that are more helpful in terms of cutting off the downward spiral of obsessive worry in a quicker manner, before it gets out of hand.  From a mindfulness perspective, the worse thing we can do is to mentally resist what we are worrying about.  Trying to push it away or ignoring it only makes the worry stronger.  Instead, we can bring our awareness to what we are worrying about.  Once we do this, we should label what we are worrying about.  There’s an old saying, “If you can name it, you can tame it.”  This helps.

Having a mantra (a short phrase) when you catch yourself worrying about things you have no control over can be helpful.  Next time when you find yourself fretting over something and it seems hopeless, ask yourself “Is this helpful?”  It is a rhetorical question

that you already know the answer to, but it will help bring you out of that annoying worry loop. 

Many people this day and age worry so much that they often get worried about how much they are worrying.   Our worries never go away, but the good news is that we can learn how to deal with them in healthy ways by learning new skills and techniques.  

Greg Graber is an internationally respected leadership and mental performance coach who helps teams, schools, organizations, and individuals thrive under pressure. With a foundation in mindfulness-based practices, Greg teaches people how to stay grounded, focused, and resilient in fast-paced, high-stakes environments.

His practical, science-backed approach has made him a go-to expert for elite performers across industries — from professional sports and education to healthcare, hospitality, and law enforcement.